Let’s just say that 2020 has been…..well….filled with a lot of lessons. Wish you could see my face as I typed that. August has been a particularly difficult month for me, but I have a lot of hope things will turn around. Like an unrealistic amount of hope ha!
We lost my good friend, Sal to cancer. Yesterday we attended his funeral. He taught me so much. One of the things that sticks out is how to be at peace when things don’t go the way you would like. I felt that when I saw him the day before he passed and it’s something that will stick with me. He knew his time was coming and I could feel the sense of peace he had about it.
When it comes to heavy feelings, I internalize a lot. I’m quiet. I think. I overthink. I try to see the bright side. I think of how someone else’s problems are worse than mine and how I shouldn’t be sad about my own. Which is not fair. I’m learning to allow myself to feel the way I do even if I don’t understand it or it gets uncomfortable.
To be honest with you, I did not want to see Sal the day before he passed. I wanted to be selfish and protect myself from the pain, but I realized that wasn’t fair to him. We were really close and I knew he wanted visitors. So I went. It was sad, but it gave us both closure. Then the funeral came and I didn’t want to go, but I went. I paid my respects and that brought me peace and closure once again. As sad as all of this is, I know when we go through dark times, we have a new appreciation for brighter times.
After all of the sadness, currently being surrounded by 3 wildfires, thick smoke, ash falling from the sky like snow, the whole state of California being on lockdown for 6 months and counting, the uncertainty of our world and everything going wrong, I have hope and peace sunny times are ahead.
Our truck and 5th wheel should be here any day now. We are within weeks of trading everything we own in for a brand new life. We are ready for all of it. Especially FREEDOM!
This isn’t the type of post I intended to write today, but writing is therapy for me, so thank you for being here. Thank you for listening and thank you for allowing me the space to process.